This is my personal experience with the book community and the trade hashtag on twitter. I will not be mentioning any names, but I used to be proud to consider myself apart of a community that was accepting and stood up for was right and stood up against bullying. But, I feel as though I was incorrect in my feelings. If I don’t make sense in this post, please find it in your heart to forgive me. It’s 2 AM I’ve been crying since midnight and I’m on more anti-anxiety drugs than a person my size should be on.
A few days ago. I traded an arc of wintersong for a barnes and noble edition of Empire of Storms. I have a small collection of copies of this book, you see. I was excited that I finally found this edition because there isn’t a barnes and noble near me. Lets fast forward to Monday. I got the book in the mail, and I’m not even kidding. This book, it looks like it’s from the 80s. It’s literally missing pages. I messaged the person I traded with. She apologized and I tried to figure out what to do from there. After 72 hours of no response, I decided I would just move on from this thing. I blocked this person so I would not make another trade with her again, and posted a picture of my book stating my disappointment in the trade. I did not mention any username publically. After this was when I started being accused of being a bully and it was stated my book to her was in even worse condition. I happened to have the tracking number so I looked it up. It hadn’t even been delievered at this time. So how would she know my book was more damaged than hers? I decided to post a screenshot of my tracking so it would have a time and date stamp at this time. Anyways, this person started messaging people telling them how horrible of a person I am. I really do try to be nice to everyone. No matter what. I guess it’s a southern thing? I don’t know. But, I was upset. She was dming people and publically posting my twitter profile. Someone asked me who it was I decided at this moment, I no longer cared about the other persons feelings. After all, they no longer cared about mine. Around this time I made a video comparing the copy of Empire of Storms I got from the #booksoftrade to one that was similar that I already owned.
Anyways, serveral hours later I started getting all these DMs about how I’m a bully and how excatly I needed to go kill myself. I decided for my personal mental health I would delete these tweets in question and put my profile on private until this blew over in a few days. Cool right?
Not so fast.
It seems like you guys don’t have just a beef with me, but with anyone whom I have ever known in the entire being of my existant. You’re yelling at people I didn’t really start talking to until yesterday, I’m pretty sure that some of you guys may actually know more about me than I do.
I know (so far) of at least three of you who found my mother on facebook and messaged her these threats. I can usually handle this. But not right now. I’m pretty sure you guys all have your minds made up about me, but my Mom has her first chemo treatment tomorrow. Now tell me, does she really need to be reading threatening messages about her daughter 12 hours before? (Spoiler alert: no) So while yes, I did do things that were completely wrong, I have attempted to fix them. Telling me how I should go kill myself, and telling my mother how I should kill myself is completely uncalled for. I may have deserved to have been called out but no one (not even Voldemort) deserves this. I was so proud of this community that was supposed to be so loving and accepting, but right now..right now I have never been disappointed. The community I have grown to love wouldn’t be threatening people for just having a mere association with me. I don’t get it, but it seems like you’re mind is made up, and I already know there is nothing I can do that will be able to change that.
I have been called every name in the book and accused of doing things that I didn’t do. Example: I didn’t post anyones address or phone number. Well. I take that back. Someone told me they were going to call my local police department so I went ahead and saved her the google search and gave it to her (I have it memorized due to the nature of my job). That was before the constant threats. I will usually admit when i do something wrong. (If you can’t tell, that’s what I’m trying to do here), but I am not the only guilty party here.
ANYWAYS, Due to this, I may continue to post my thoughts on books (it’s something that I enjoy doing, I don’t have a lot of real life hobbies outside my farm) but I do believe I’m doing to remove myself for the most part from the book community on twitter. I have a few friends that I will keep in touch with but NO ONE deserves this. It makes you just as bad as you think I am. I promise you, I’m not actually a terrible person or a bully. Or at least I don’t try to be. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re all human. We all make mistakes, but you shouldn’t be attacked for making a mistake, because that’s part of what makes us all human. Maybe one day I will comfortable enough to rejoin the book community but I don’t see it happening for a while.
Thanks for taking the time out actual reading to read this! ❤